ON BEING MAMA

I am 5 months into this new life of being a Mama. Grateful for so much it overwhelms me. I want to reflect on this transition because I am certain motherhood; what it means to be a mom, how you feel about being a mom, is always in transition. These are some meandering musings of my first year of Mama-hood. That I want to remember. Most likely to reflect on later and probably say, Ha! Wow! I really thought/felt/said/did that?!

with my sweet Lu at Barton Springs in Austin, TX.

Old Me / New Me
Motherhood comes on quickly. From one day to the next, you go from not having a baby to having a baby. And your #1 job is to take care of that baby. So that’s what you do (all the time). You’re the same you, but your entire world has shifted overnight. Being a mom is so new to me I catch myself with the feeling of my old self. My pre-baby self. I wonder if these moments slowly stop existing or if I’ll always have a faded memory of what it was like before I was Mama.

Running to the grocery store by myself while Lucy is with her Dad and I suddenly think “ohhhh yea, I have a BABY.”

Or wakeboarding and I feel great floating in the lake waiting for the boat to pull me up and then we’re going and it feels awesome and I’m like, “whoa! that’s my BABY in the boat up there and she’s watching me wakeboard, and here I am, still doing the things I’ve always done!"

Or with good dear friends, friends I’ve known since I was five years old. And we’re sitting around and Lu has already gone to sleep and maybe we’re having a glass of wine and we’re talking about Lucy, my daughter, and it’s crazy because I HAVE A DAUGHTER.

Your (own) Baby’s Shit Don’t Stink
Truth be told I had changed approximately 2 diapers before Lu was born - and one of those times I put the diaper on backwards (as in, I really, seriously, couldn’t figure it out...) I was certain changing diapers would become a dreaded task and honestly nervous about it in a I-don’t-want-to-resent-my-baby kinda way. My niece had a terrible stomachache this last Thanksgiving when I was about 7 months pregnant. My sister and brother-in-law woke-up to her happily reading a book one morning - diarrhea smeared all over her little body (and the bed). They had to clean it / her. I was horrified. This could be MY child, and MY mess to clean. Yikes. I had similar anxiety about getting a dog. I wanted one badly. But picking up poop? And dog hair and the pet dander? Ugh.

Today, I can happily report picking up dog poop AND changing diapers come very naturally to me (with the exception of picking up dog poop while pregnant - that totally made me barf on more than one occasion). I’m completely unphased by the nastiest of nastiest liquidy, blow-outs (even when it gets on my hands!) and I’ve actually told people that “Lucy’s poop really doesn’t smell.” (I will most certainly revisit this comment once she starts solids...)

Sometimes I Want Someone To Just-Tell-Me-What-To-Do
There are so many questions and decisions that come with parenthood. A whole slew of some really big decisions mixed in a gazillion small ones. It’s stressful, especially if you’re indecisive. Suddenly every decision you make doesn’t just affect you, but this incredible tiny little being you created and care about more than anything else in the entire world. The small choices feel weighter and the big ones feel almost impossible, at least to me. Universally, we all want the best for our babes.

In some areas we want the decisions all for ourselves. To do the research ourselves, be informed, lull it over with as much time as we need and make choices based on what we, as parents, think is best for us, our child, our family. In other areas I am all for taking the advice of others. Creating an archive of trusted sources and heeding to their experience, inspiration and research they’ve already done. Perhaps this is advice I’d give to new moms, new parents. Choose who you want to listen to (which family members, friends, bloggers, experts, companies you trust) and who you want to filter out. Simplify where you can by just taking the advice of your trusted circle, and spend that time to research yourself in areas that are most important to you.

The Mama Membership Bond
I’ve been taking Lucy to a baby-and-me yoga class. I love exposing her to movements of yoga (even if just by observation for now) and the class is also a supportive environment of like-minded women. Recently the teacher had the room answer the question what you love about being a mom. The bond amongst us; as mothers, women, friends, was a common reply. I couldn’t agree more. I’m finding myself to be more open, honest, friendly to total strangers (my sanity relies on it... I need Mom friends!). My relationships with other mothers in my life have become stronger (with my own mom and my sisters, especially). I’m so completely inspired by the community of mothers, in my own neighborhood and the online community. I feel very blessed with this privilege of being a mom and find myself taking my membership quite seriously!